Memories

When I was younger, playing with my friends, I always wanted to be 'the bad one'. The games my friends, mainly my best friend, and I would play always ran along the lines of school teacher and naughty student. We had one where one of us was an alien and the other a captured human in the alien spaceship. In that one, the human (usually me, because I insisted) acted up, tried to escape and ended up getting in trouble, hands tied by hair ties and made to sit at the end of the bed while awaiting punishment by the alien leader, who was always an absent figure (we didn't have any guy friends). Similar things happened when we played school. I was always a student acting up and being 'put against the wall' or other, similar punishments.

Then there were the games that I played myself. These always ran along the lines of being an orphan, stuck in an orphanage, made to do manual labor and getting in trouble for not being fast enough. After eighth grade, it was always me getting captured, for what, I never really thought about, but using the afghan I made myself as a net. My stuffed animals were usually in charge and I would have to lie still, or bow to the imaginary people in charge.

While I didn't know it at the time, I definitely know now that I was aroused by these games. I would hang on the pole of my bunk bed, as long as my hand could handle it, which I now recognize as pressing my clit against the pole. I knew it was bad, I felt naughty doing it, but that didn't stop me, instead, I did it more and more.

Now it almost makes me laugh to remember these things, to remember what I did as a child, how these imaginings probably would still turn me on. I only recently fully remembered all this, and I wonder what kind of part it plays in my feelings now. I'm still trying to figure this all out, and these memories help me think about how far back I've been having these submissive feelings. When I was a child, I clearly did not wish to be slutty, I didn't even have a clue that any of these feelings were sexual, but I did know I wanted to be naughty and get punished. Funny how long these feelings can last....